What Would Happen If
by CeraFleur
Summary: A story containing answers to all your "What Would Happen If..?" questions involving the Akatsuki and Sakura!
1. Chapter 1

**Sakura and the Akatsuki Presents: What would happen if..?**

**WARNING: MAJOR CRACK AND LIME INSIDE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THEN DON'T READ IT. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!!!**

**Dedicated to**

_**Momo-chan**_

_**Edward aka "Itachi Uchiha"**_

_**Mikhail aka "Akasuna no Sasori"**_

**whom I've always had this argument with a little too often.**

**I obviously don't own Naruto because if I did, Karin-bitch and Oro-bastard never existed, Sasu-gay would be making out with Naruto, Sakura would be probably married to either Itachi or Deidara, and Sasori would live forever in his glorious smexiness. **

**So deal with it!!**

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

_**Momo the Sacred Neko:**_

_Dear Satsuki, what would happen if Deidara kissed Kisame?_

_**.**__**Akatsuki no Konan-sama.:**_

_Dear Momo, there'll be a bunch of little blond-haired, blue-skinned babies with pyromaniac tendencies running around the Akatsuki base._

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

"Hey Deidara, give me the remote."

Deidara glared evilly at the blue-skinned shinobi who was sprawled on the couch in the living room of the Akatsuki base. Apparently the blond artist was currently busy with a miniature sculpture of a toucan.

"Go get it yourself, Fish-dick."

"Aw c'mon, Deidara. It's right on top of the TV!" Kisame groaned, sitting up straight to face the bomber. Deidara was seated on his mini art studio which was a few meters behind the TV. God, the Akatsuki really has to expand their territory.

Deidara remained on his seat. "I'm not some maid you can boss around, you lazy piece of shit! Besides, you're nearer to the TV than me! Why don't you ask Tobi?" And with that statement he returned his attention back to his art.

Kisame shrugged. "Hm. Great idea." He drew in a deep breath and hollered, "**TOBI!!!**"

He waited for a few seconds but amazingly, Tobi didn't come.

"He didn't appear. That's odd," Kisame mumbled. "Deidara, you better get the remote or I'll whine here endlessly till your ears bleed to death! I'm sick of watching Barney!!" Sounds of _"I love you, you love me"_ filled the small room which pissed Deidara off.

Deidara finally stood up, mumbling something about "Stupid Sushi! I'll shove your Samehada up your sluggish ass someday!" He irately grabbed the remote and was about to hand it to Kisame when–

"**KISAME-SAN DO NOT FEAR! SUPER TOBI IS HERE!"**

–Tobi charged in the living room with a cape around his shoulders. He bumped into Deidara's back which caused the artist to trip forward and land his lips upon Kisame's.

"Ew!! Kisame-san and Deidara-senpai are making out!" Tobi cried out childishly.

All of a sudden cameras and videocams are all around the couple. The kiss continued for a few minutes until Deidara, a heavy blush settling on his cheeks, pulled away from the sword-wielder who was grinning madly.

"Mm, vanilla…" Kisame moaned, licking his lips in anticipation. "More."

He pulled Deidara to him once more, savoring the taste of the blond shinobi.

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

**Me: Ah, crack. I haven't made one in a long time! I missed it a lot.**

**This was done to celebrate my broken arm, which is somewhat fine now. *claps***

**And if you have any questions about "What would happen if…" you can send it to me through reviews! Seriously. I want to continue this.**

**More crack and crap to come soon!**

**Momo: Sis, you have a visitor!**

**Me: That must be the doctor from the mental hospital! I gotta run and hide!**

**REVIEW PLEASE!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sakura and the Akatsuki Presents: What Would Happen If..?**

**Me: Hi people! I'm glad my hilarious (I think) crack-fic brought at least 2 reviews! *cheers***

**And disclaimer: As much as I'd like to own Naruto together with its awesome characters (I'd give up _anything_ to have Sasori, Itachi and their yummy smexiness), I don't. **

**Waaaaah, don't make fun of me! D:**

* * *

**Reader:**

_What if Tobi tried Naruto's Harem Jutsu on Itachi?_

**Momo:**

_You know what? I don't know, either. But since your chibi insert was so cute, let's see what happens, shall we?_

* * *

"Good morning Deidara-sempai!"

The orange-masked ninja popped up in front of his sempai, making the blond spit out his cheerios all over the hyperactive Akatsuki member.

"What the fuck, Tobi? I'm eating, yeah! Can't you get that through your retarded brain, hm?" Deidara exploded, not bothering to clean up the mess he made.

"But, Deidara-sempai, Tobi wants to show you a new trick Tobi learned from Hidan-sempai's magic videos! And look, you spilled your cereal all over Tobi!" Tobi whined, shaking his body dry like a drenched puppy.

"Uhh… I can't, Tobi. I have something to do with Kisame, yeah." The artist's face turned a shade of crimson as he mentioned his boyfriend's name.

"That's too bad! Oh, are you gonna do what's on Hidan-sempai's magic video collection?" Tobi asked, bouncing up and down like a monkey high on pot.

"Tobi, you rotting brain-head, that's not magic; that's porn, yeah! And Kisame and I aren't doing that kind of fucking shit, hm!" Deidara cried indignantly.

"You know, Deidara, too much denial can be bad for you," Sasori, who was walking along the corridor, chided the bomber.

"You-! And what were _you_ doing inside your room last night, moaning like a donkey doing crap? Are you screwing up another of your shitty puppets?" Deidara retorted angrily.

"Oh, oh, Sasori-sempai! Tobi wants to show you a trick Tobi learned!" Tobi took the opportunity of Sasori's arrival to advertise his new skill.

"Nope, sorry Tobi, I promised Sakura I'd train with her this afternoon." Sasori replied.

"That's okay, Tobi understands if Sasori-sempai has a date with Sakura-chan. Well, have fun!" Tobi skipped off, leaving a redhead with veins throbbing from his forehead and a blond still bitching about his issues (whatever they are).

"Lalalala Tobi loooooves unicorns and rainbows~" Tobi sang as he merrily skipped down the Akatsuki hallway. His ranting was cut short when he bumped into the Sharingan wielder, no other than Itachi Uchiha.

"Oww, that hurts," Tobi rubbed his forehead. He glanced up at the Uchiha before jumping up and down like a rabbit on jack and said, "Oooh, Itachi-sempai! Stay there, Tobi's going to show you what Tobi learned from Hidan's magic videos!"

Before Itachi had a chance to react Tobi did a few hand seals and said,

"Harem no Jutsu!"

A 'poof' sounded and smoke enclosed the hyperactive Akatsuki member who was now transformed into a naked woman with flowing black hair and familiar red eyes.

Itachi's eyes widened, and then the unexpected happened – he fell to the floor, stumbling onto Tobi in the progress. Blood was gushing from his nose like waterfalls.

"Itachi-sempai, you're heavy!" Tobi's feminine voice cried out, her small hands pushing on Itachi's chest in an attempt to shove him away.

At that moment Kisame stepped out of his room and witnessed the scene. He quickly held Itachi by the collar and said, "What the fuck, Itachi? What're you doing, raping someone in the hallway?" He lifted him up and away, to Tobi's relief. Amazingly, the smoke still covered parts of Tobi's womanly body, no matter what position he was in.

Kisame raised an eyebrow at the unknown woman before holding out his hand to her, helping her to stand up. He slung Itachi on his shoulder and led the woman to the Uchiha's bedroom.

"Good grief, keep your dirty deeds in the bedroom, you idiots. Nobody wants to be an audience to the two of you fucking in the hallway, 'cept for Hidan, that horny prick." And with that Kisame closed the door behind him, eager to see his girlfriend – wait, I meant _male_ lover. Ahem.

"Ahh, Tobi has caused trouble for Itachi-sempai, Tobi better change back—" He was stopped when a pair of arms wrapped around her slim waist.

"Where do you think you're going, you naughty kitten?" Itachi purred, nuzzling his nose on the crook of her shoulder.

Sakura and Sasori's training battle was stopped abruptly when they heard an unfamiliar girly shriek.

"What was that?" Sakura asked, casting a glance towards the direction of the noise.

"That's Itachi, who's about to fuck Tobi senseless, hm," Deidara replied as he leaned against Kisame's broad shoulder. He shivered a bit when he imagined that the shark-like man was doing the same thing to him.

"Tobi!" The pink-haired ninja's eyes grew wide. As far as she knew, the long-haired Uchiha had no interest in Tobi whatsoever.

"It seems Tobi used a harem jutsu when he was with Itachi. I would've never known it was him until I saw Tobi's mask in the hallway, where I saw the two of them together," Kisame shrugged, placing his arm over the blond's shoulders. "Who knew Itachi was a sucker for naked ladies, though?" He grinned wickedly.

* * *

**Gahh! It's finally done! Sorry if it was a bit crappy, and if it took a loooong time to finish.**

**Hope you like it. Please review!**

**- CeraFleur**


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